356: How to Negotiate a Job Offer Without Losing It

You finally hear the words you have been waiting for: “We’re excited to make you an offer.”

Instead of feeling relieved, your stomach drops.

You know the negotiation is coming, and you are worried that asking for more could make you look difficult, ungrateful, or too demanding. You may even fear that the employer will withdraw the offer entirely.

In this episode of The Mid-Career GPS Podcast, I break down why negotiating job offers feels so intimidating for mid-career professionals and how to advocate for your value without damaging trust with a recruiter or hiring manager.

For many professionals, fear of negotiation comes from three places. You are afraid the offer is fragile. You are worried the organization will label you as a difficult employee before you even begin. Or imposter syndrome is convincing you that you are lucky to have received the offer at all.

These fears can cause you to accept too quickly, negotiate emotionally, or avoid the conversation entirely.

I explain how to replace that fear with a clear, evidence-based salary negotiation strategy. You will learn when to negotiate, what information strengthens your counteroffer, and how to keep the conversation professional and collaborative.

I also share five mistakes to avoid during a job offer negotiation. These include negotiating before receiving a formal offer, accepting immediately, explaining your personal expenses, threatening to walk away, and lying about competing opportunities.

Your employer does not determine your compensation based on your mortgage, childcare costs, or other financial obligations. A strong counteroffer must focus on the value you bring to the organization.

You will hear practical language you can use when presenting a counteroffer, along with examples of credible evidence such as market salary data, leadership experience, specialized expertise, geographic compensation differences, and the full scope of the position.

We also look beyond base salary. A job offer includes more than the number on your paycheck. Total compensation may include bonuses, paid time off, flexible work arrangements, professional development funding, retirement contributions, benefits, retention bonuses, and opportunities for future advancement.

By the end of this episode, you will have a more confident and strategic approach to negotiating your next job offer.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• Why mid-career professionals often hesitate to negotiate a job offer
• How fear of losing the offer can weaken your negotiating position
• Why imposter syndrome makes qualified candidates accept less than they deserve
• When you have the most leverage during the hiring process
• Five job offer negotiation mistakes that can damage your credibility
• How to write and present a professional counteroffer
• What evidence to use when asking for a higher salary
• How to negotiate benefits, flexibility, paid time off, and professional development
• How to evaluate bonus structures and total compensation
• How to determine whether a good job offer could become a better one
• How to reduce the likelihood of an offer being rescinded
• Why honesty and integrity are essential during salary negotiation

A professional negotiation is not an ultimatum. It is a business conversation about the value you bring, the responsibilities you will assume, and the compensation you require to reach a fair agreement.

You do not need to become aggressive to advocate for yourself. You need to be prepared, credible, and willing to have the conversation.

Listen to this episode before accepting your next job offer so you can negotiate with greater confidence, protect your professional reputation, and make a decision that supports your career goals and long-term earning potential.

Subscribe to The Mid-Career GPS Podcast for more strategies to help you navigate your job search, position yourself for promotion, strengthen your leadership presence, and build a career you love.

Remember, how you SHOW UP matters.

Transcript

Welcome And The Negotiation Mindset

John Neral 0:02

Hello, my friends, and welcome to the Mid-Career GPS Podcast. I'm your host, John Merrill. This is the show for mid-career professionals who feel stuck, undervalued, or unsure what's next, and know that doing more isn't the answer. Here we focus on how you show up, how you make clear decisions, build influence, and take control of your career. Let's get started. Are you afraid to negotiate your job offer? I mean, come on, who is it? Well, here's what you need to know before you say yes. And this episode is inspired by the most commonly asked questions I get when it comes to negotiating or ultimately saying yes to that job offer. And in a job market and an economy like this, it is understandable that you may, and I'm going to use air quotes here, feel like you have to play it safe and don't want to push back a little bit. But here's what I want you to know. If you've gotten a job offer, the company wants you. The company has selected you. And the company has invested significant time in getting you to this point. And so if you're immediately inclined to just say yes and accept the offer because you're afraid of asking for more, I hope these five questions will help reframe some considerations or thoughts you may have about negotiating. And ultimately, let me just say this: you are going to make the best decision for you. Any negotiation, you get some things, they get some things, everybody is happy, and you move forward. So what I'm providing here today is simply a frame of reference and some guidance. But you will take what you need to do to make the best decision for you because every negotiation, every job offer is specific and individual to you. And so this is just a broad conversation today in terms of answering some of these common questions that I get. All right. So here's

Why You’re Afraid To Negotiate

John Neral 2:25

question number one. Why am I so afraid to negotiate my next job offer? The key word here is afraid. And fear typically comes from one of three places. Fear number one could be losing the offer. Many people believe that the job offer is fragile. And so they think, okay, if I go and I counter and I ask for more money, they'll just go ahead and move on to someone else. What I want you to know, and I know this from my own experience, organizations expect some level of discussion. They're going to expect a counter, they're going to expect some questions. And let's acknowledge that they didn't spend the last few weeks or months interviewing candidates to just quickly walk away over a professional conversation. Fear number two is being perceived or viewed as a difficult employee. High performers often build their careers by being agreeable. You solve problems, you help people, you don't want conflict. And so negotiations can feel like it's this uncomfortable relationship because you're advocating for yourself. If you've done your research and you know what you are worth in your industry and in the job market based on your experience, what I want you to consider here, there is nothing wrong in professionally showing up and having that intentional conversation to say, this is what I believe I am worth in the market based on this experience, this research, these accomplishments. How do we get to this number? The third fear is one that we admittedly all deal with. It's called imposter syndrome. Where imposter syndrome shows up in the job negotiation process is where your brain takes you to certain questions. What if this is the best I can get? What if I'm already, quote unquote, lucky that they offered me the job? When that happens, when those thoughts creep in, mid-career professionals and people in general, but they often negotiate from a place of fear instead of a place from value and service. Remember, they made you the offer because they believe you're the best candidate to help them solve the problems they need to have fixed to move the company forward. You don't need to earn the right to negotiate. The fact that you've already gotten the offer proves that you've earned it. Show up professionally, respectfully, competently, and confidently and negotiate that offer from the value or the transformation you are going to ultimately provide for that company. I often

What Not To Do In Negotiations

John Neral 5:46

get asked a lot, and it's a it's a very specific question. And people say to me, John, what should I absolutely not do? And oftentimes the first thing I want to say is, don't be a jerk. Now, I'm saying jerk because you might have small kids in the car, things like that, right? But don't be a jerk. But here are five things I would never recommend. Do not negotiate the job offer before you have the offer. Your leverage begins after they've chosen you. If you've already started to negotiate, you are way ahead of the process. And essentially, I like to say you're showing your hand. Well, I really need this flexibility or I need this amount of income and things like that. Do not negotiate before you have the offer. Once you have the offer, game on. Number two, don't accept the offer immediately, even if you love it. Be calm, be assured, thank them for the offer. Say, great. Can I have the weekend to review the offer? Can I get back to you in two business days? Number three, do not make the job offer about your bills. This one's a hard one, especially right now with everything we're going through. Nobody pays you based on your expenses, they pay you based on your value. Number four, don't threaten them. I have seen both on the hiring side as well as on the coaching side, that some people will take an attitude that they're approaching the job negotiation, much like they're conducting a car sale or purchasing a car. They'll think if they can just be really abrupt and threaten in some way and be like, if you don't give me what I'm asking for, I'm walking. You never want to say that unless you are genuinely prepared to walk. Quick story. I had someone whom I had worked with in a previous organization, and they were high performing, high potential, highly valued. And admittedly, they were worth a whole lot more in another industry or another organization, basically just because of how we were structured. And so they come into my office one day and they say to me, and this was after we had gone through performance reviews and um promotions and cost of you know, raises and those kinds of things. And they said to me, you know, I can make double uh somewhere else. And my response was, great, how do I get you to leave? How do I help you leave here so you can get the money you want? And they looked at me and and they they were just stunned. And I said, No, I don't mean that in a bad way. I don't want to lose you. But you're right, you could be paid more elsewhere. I don't know if you can get double what you're making here, but you can get paid more elsewhere. So if that's your goal, then let's put a plan in place for you to go ahead and do that. And they quickly started backtracking. And I said, Oh, wait a minute. You had a conversation with somebody. And you thought if you came in here and you played hardball, that we would just acquiesce and be like, okay, we'll pay you more. That's not how this works. You're not in a position with enough leverage in order to do that. And the biggest takeaway from that entire conversation was, and I'm I'm so grateful to have had this conversation with this person because the insight they got was unless you are genuinely prepared to walk, don't threaten. Another rule of thumb here is never ever lie. Don't invent competing offers, don't inflate numbers, don't play games. Your ability to show up and professionally negotiate your contract is a true representation of your brand. And to show up, you need to protect and promote it. Okay? Your professional negotiation is built on credibility. If you're someone who's lying, being deceitful, or being dishonest in the entire negotiation process, somehow or some way it will come back to bite you. So don't lie. Um, I will make a reference at the end, but this isn't the first time we've had a job or salary negotiation conversation on the podcast. And um, you can go and take a listen to episode 214. It's a conversation I did with Dorothy Mashburn, who is a sales negotiation coach and expert. And one of the things I love about that conversation that Dorothy shared is to negotiate from a place of integrity. Right? So go back and take a listen to 214 if you want some additional guidance there. Okay. So

How To Counter With Evidence

John Neral 11:28

question number three. This one comes up a lot, and more than likely, you are thinking about this one as well. When do I know when and how much to push or counter? And this is where many professionals get stuck in the negotiation process. So I want you to get really clear for a moment on your thought. Okay, because remember, thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, actions create results. What is the thought? What is the thought you are having about how do you know when to push or how much to push on a counter offer? If the initial job offer falls meaningfully below your expectations, you should probably have a conversation. Let's say, for example, you want a hundred thousand dollars, the job offer comes in at eighty. Don't counter because you want more money. Counter because you have a reasoning or evidence or a rationale. That could be you're showing market compensation data, relevant leadership experience, specialized expertise, the scope of responsibility is far larger than what they're offering to compensate you at. It could also be based upon locale or geographic market differences. So if you're looking for some kind of language, here's what I would suggest. And again, the scenario is they've come in about 20% lower than what you're expecting. You might say something like this. Thank you for the offer. I'm excited about the opportunity. And based on my experience and the scope of the role, I was hoping we could discuss compensation closer to $100,000. I'm gonna say it again. Thank you for the offer. I'm excited about the opportunity, and based on my experience and the scope of the role, I was hoping we could discuss compensation closer to $100,000. Notice what isn't there. There's no emotion, there's no apology, there's no defensiveness. There is just a professional discussion. From there, you have to listen. How do they respond? What are they countering with? What are they offering? There are other things you may be able to bring up that could help get that number closer to where you want in the counter. It might be things like having a conference or professional development or education budget, getting more time off. There could be a retention bonus. There are lots of ways to get creative in the negotiation process. You just have to determine what the organization is willing to do to help meet you ultimately at that number. But I've coached people where in the past they have they have gotten a job offer and they said, there's no way I can live on that amount of money. Okay, let's acknowledge that's not the organization's problem. You're having a business transaction. They have said to you what they believe you are worth in this particular role. You are going to make a counter. That counter needs to be evidence-based, it needs to be research-based, and it needs to be very clear and clean about what it is you're asking for. I want in my in my previous career, before I had my coaching business, I remember going through a negotiation with an organization, and we were about two, two and a half weeks into the whole negotiation. And we were down to a couple of thousand dollars. Full transparency, couple thousand dollars. That was it. I knew what it was worth. I knew my experience backed it up. The company came in a little bit lower. We I said exactly what what I had shared earlier. I was hoping to get to this number. They came in a little bit lower. I said, We need to get to this number. How do we get there? And what came up was a retention bonus. And I'll never forget what the recruiter said to me. And more importantly, I'll never forget what I said back. The recruiter said to me, I want to be very clear with you that the longer you drag this out, the less interested we may be in hiring you, and you may end up losing the offer. Now, was it intended to scare me? I don't know. Was it intended to get me off my game a little bit? I don't know. But I was willing to stand up and advocate for myself. And my response was this. I'll acknowledge that as long as you will also acknowledge that this doesn't look good for you either. We are at a point where we are discussing $2,000. The longer you are taking to decide that is making me question whether or not I want to come work for you. How do we close this gap? No emotion, no apology, no defensiveness. I shared my thought in the moment. No, I ultimately got it. But you may be dealing with numbers that are bigger or smaller than what I just shared. The number is not the issue. The number is the result. What you want to focus on is how are you presenting yourself in the negotiation to do it in a way that is professional, respectful, competent, confident. And then when you get the BAFO, the best and final offer, then you can decide whether or not the job offer is best for you.

When A Good Offer Can Improve

John Neral 18:29

My last question I often get is this How do I know when a good offer could be better? And that's such a difficult question to answer because hindsight really is 2020. And you're always going to play Monday morning quarterback after you get the job offer and go, well, maybe I could have gotten this or I could have gotten a little bit more. Many people focus only on salary. I want to give you five areas for consideration in terms of when you know a good offer could be better. Look at your base salary. Money's important. We know that. Look at the bonus structure if you have one. How realistic is it for you to obtain your bonus? Look at your benefits. Look at your health care, retirement matching, paid time off, professional development, education. Number four, flexibility. We know with many companies wanting people in the office five days a week post-pandemic, that remote work, hybrid arrangements, schedule flexibility, especially if you have kids you are taking care of, you have aging parents that might need you to run them to a doctor's appointment here or there. What is that flexibility ultimately worth for you? And number five is the growth potential. And I do an exercise with my clients to essentially look at a five-year projection. And we look at it in terms of what is your lifetime earning over those five years. Would you rather make $5,000 more today or position yourself with a potential advancement that could essentially earn you $50,000 more over the next five years or three years? Look at your lifetime earnings in the time you might be employed within that company. Sometimes the better offer isn't the higher offer. It is the offer that creates the greater long-term opportunity. So ask yourself, whether it be three years or five years from now, which opportunity gives you the best package, the strongest story, the most room for advancement.

Can You Mess Up And Lose It

John Neral 21:08

So it just came up for me too. But here's the other one I can't end this episode without mentioning. What happens if I screw this up? What happens if I say something in the negotiation and I mess it up? Can an offer be withdrawn? Technically, yes, it is absolutely possible. But it's rare. It is rare when negotiations are handled professionally. Most failed negotiations happen. And by a failed negotiation, I mean when the organization rescinds the job offer. Most failed negotiations happen because the applicant or the selected candidate here has become combative, they have made unreasonable demands, they have presented false information. They treat the conversation like a battle. Professional negotiations are a conversation and a conversation that is collaborative. It is not confrontational. One of the biggest mistakes I have seen that you can make is you get the offer, you accept the offer, and then right before you sign it, you go, you know, I was really thinking, um, based on some new research I found, I can probably I really should be getting about $10,000, $15,000, $20,000 more than what you've offered me. How do we get there? That's when you put yourself at risk. You're not negotiating in good faith or from a place of integrity. So I love the phrase clean and clear. It is a phrase I use quite a bit, and it is about showing up from a very genuine and authentic place to ensure that what you are looking for in this negotiation process is you're getting something, and they're getting you as the talent to come into the organization. That number is just an exchange of value. Okay. Let's just say things don't go perfectly. Let's say you you misspeak, it gets a little testy. Um the outcome is rarely catastrophic. The company may tell you no, they may say this is the highest we can go, they may offer a different solution. That is merely information. A successful negotiation is not necessarily about getting more money, it is about making an informed decision with confidence. In the Show Up Leadership Lab, we talk about having intentional conversations. The goal of an intentional conversation is to move the relationship forward. Salary negotiations are exactly that. We're going to move the relationship forward. We are going to get the information we need to make that informed decision with confidence. Now,

Resources, Offers, And Next Steps

John Neral 24:12

if you want to know more about the Show Up Leadership Lab, this is my monthly membership program. Uh, you can check the show notes, you can go to my website, johnnarrell.com forward slash show up. You can learn all about it, it is a monthly membership for $47. July calls are launching and starting. We have four calls a month and love to have you as part of the lab. So you can come in for a month, you can come in for however long you want, but definitely feel free to go ahead and check that out in the show notes or johnnarrell.com forward slash show up. All right. I promised you at the top of the episode, there were two previous salary negotiation negotiation episodes I wanted to call out. I already referenced episode 214 with Dorothy Mashburn. Definitely check out episode 145 with Brandon Bramley, who's known as the salary negotiator. You can also find both of them on LinkedIn as well. They are wonderful people in my network. I appreciate them both. And they're great past episodes to go and take a look. So episode 145 with Brandon Bramley, episode 214 with Dorothy Mashburn. But I want to leave you with this. You are making a career-changing decision. That decision is whether you accept or reject the job offer. You've taken time to research and learn about the company and network to get to this place where you are now a selected candidate who has the job offer. The company has spent a lot of time too. They've looked at a ton of resumes, they have interviewed several people, they have gotten down to a final pool. They have chosen you. You have every right to ask questions to make sure you believe this is the best offer and the best opportunity for you. You have every right to ask questions to understand the offer. What does this mean? Explain this benefit to me. Can we talk more about this? And most importantly, you have every right to show up and advocate for yourself professionally. If you are not willing to advocate for yourself at the beginning of this professional relationship, it becomes much harder to advocate for yourself once you are inside of that organization. Show up, protect and promote your brand, advocate for yourself. Imagine going into an organization and then being appreciative and respected, respectful rather, of how you showed up in this negotiations process. They know what they're getting. They know they're getting a talented individual. Show up and negotiate through that process as authentically, genuinely, as cleanly and clearly as possible. All right, my friends. Don't forget to check the show notes for more information. And if you want to know more about this conversation, then you know, check out my my uh weekly newsletter. You can find that in the show notes as well. And until next time, my friends, remember this. You will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time, and how you show up matters. Make it a great rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, don't keep it to yourself. Kindly share it with someone who needs it. And if you're tired of feeling stuck, overlooked, or underutilized in your career, go to my website, johnnarrell.com to get started. There you'll find free resources, ways to work with me, and details about the Show Up Leadership Lab, my signature membership for mid-career professionals who want to lead better, get noticed, and elevate their career. All the links are in the show notes. You can grab what you need right there. Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn. And if you're getting value from the show, take 30 seconds to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. Remember, how you show up matters, and I'll see you next time.