343: Surviving vs. Thriving: Where You’re Settling in Your Career and Life

I celebrated my 57th birthday with a tradition that never changes, a Carvel ice cream cake. That moment took me back to something simple and familiar, but it also sparked a deeper reflection I hear from so many mid-career professionals right now. You are doing everything right on paper. You are showing up, delivering results, and being responsible. And yet, something feels off. You feel stuck, unseen, or like your career has stalled.

In this episode, I challenge the difference between surviving and thriving at mid-career. Because survival mode can look a lot like stability, but it often masks stagnation. If you are playing not to lose instead of playing to win, your career will reflect that.

I walk you through three critical areas where this shift shows up quickly and what you can do to take back control of your career direction.

First, we look at your work and visibility. If you are only known for execution, you may have unintentionally trained others to overlook you as a leader. I share how to position your unique professional value, advocate for opportunities before they are posted, and lead conversations that focus on impact rather than just tasks.

Next, we talk about energy and burnout. If you are starting your week already exhausted or counting down to the weekend, your strategy is working against you. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. It is a leadership liability. I explain how boundaries, energy management, and intentional focus directly influence your ability to grow, lead, and get promoted.

Finally, we explore identity. Many mid-career professionals are holding onto an outdated definition of success that no longer fits who they are or what they want. I show you how to shift your mindset so you can make decisions from clarity and confidence instead of fear and uncertainty.

If you are tired of feeling stuck, overlooked, or unsure about what comes next, this episode will help you move from overthinking to intentional action.

Resources and Next Steps:
If this episode resonated with you and you are ready to stop operating in survival mode, I want to invite you to take the next step.

Join the SHOW UP Leadership Lab where I help mid-career professionals build clarity, increase visibility, and position themselves for promotion and greater impact.

Learn more at johnneral.com/showup

Transcript

Welcome And Who This Is For

John Neral 0:02

Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Mid-Career GPS Podcast. I'm your host, John Darrell. This is the show for mid-career professionals who feel stuck, undervalued, or unsure what's next, and know that doing more isn't the answer. Here we focus on how you show up, how you make clear decisions, build influence, and take control of your career. Let's get started. Yeah, I turned 57 and I always get excited about celebrating birthdays. You know, like so many of us, we get to a point where we're just grateful to have another year around the sun. And I believe that birthdays are important. They need to be recognized. But I find that as I'm getting older, it's really about just being very grateful for another day, another year, another chance. Now, all that being said, there is one non-negotiable for my birthday. This is a must. Like everybody around me knows this is a must. I have to have a Carvel ice cream cake for my birthday. Vanilla on one layer, chocolate on the other layer, those delicious chocolate crunchies in the middle. It makes me so happy. And it makes me happy because it brings me back to my childhood because that was the cake that I got as a kid. And so while I pretty much love all forms of dessert, that ice cream cake is a special thing and is typically only reserved for birthdays. Now, my husband, he's not a big birthday cake fan, and he's not a big ice cream cake fan. In fact, he really loves pie. So when his birthday rolls around, we have a special tea pie place about a half hour away from where we live. And I always go and I order him his two favorite pies. It's a lemon chess and a strawberry rhubarb. And so that's what he gets for his birthday. So it's those little kind of traditions and things that I feel are so important as we get to celebrate. So, what's your favorite type of dessert to celebrate on your birthday? If you do tell me, drop me a note on Instagram or LinkedIn and share with me. I'd love to hear about it. So as I was thinking about this past year and the year that's ahead and where things are for all of us, it got me thinking about a topic I recently coached one of my clients on. And it was all about whether they are surviving or thriving. Now, admittedly, this is some mindset work, but it really is about our thoughts. Because as we said on the podcast before, as we think about how we show up, it's our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings create our actions, our actions create results. And right now, with everything that's going on in the world, I don't know about you, but things feel very heavy to me. I feel like we are experiencing so much on a day-to-day basis. And we're doing everything that we can to survive and get through each and every day or workday, along with everything else we have going on at home. But here's the hidden truth. When we're surviving, it looks like stability, but it often masks stagnation. And when you think about your career and you think about your life and how you're showing up, are you surviving? Because surviving can absolutely feel responsible. And admittedly, we want to be responsible. We have people to take care of and bills to pay and all those kinds of things. But thriving feels risky. Are you giving yourself permission to thrive at a time when many people may not? So today in this episode, you and I are going to dig into identifying exactly where you're surviving and what it can take for you to start thriving again. So when I think about surviving, I like to think of it as we're playing not to lose. We're playing the safe game, right? And in a lot of ways, when we think about navigating our work life and navigating our career, it's about maintaining the status quo. If I do all of these things that are on my performance evaluation and I do them satisfactorily, I'm surviving. I'm okay. That's great. That's wonderful. Nothing wrong in that. But when we're thriving, we are playing to win. We have a particular goal in mind and we are focused on our growth and our alignment and the impact we want to make because we want to get the win, whatever that might be. It might be leading a new project, it might be getting a promotion, it might be getting some kind of leadership responsibilities within your organization. But thriving is not about doing more. When we're thriving, we're working toward a particular result. And that result comes when we show up differently. So right now, just take a moment and think about do you find yourself in this kind of survival mode? Or are you in a thriving mode? And just acknowledge wherever you are right now, without any judgment, without any hesitation, where are you in this moment? Now, let's take a look at three key areas where you may be surviving or you might be thriving. So the first one is all about your work. When we survive at work, we do our job well, but we're not seen for our potential. Essentially, we get stuck in this executing mode, and it's a very dependable mode. People depend on us to deliver, to deliver results with high quality. And you might be taking a step back and waiting for someone to recognize you or even consider you for a promotion. You will say yes to everything in order to prove your value. If I just do more, the rewards will come. Be careful what you wish for. Because if you say yes to everything and you're doing more, you may just get more on your plate and not get anything for it. Except longer hours, longer nights, maybe having to work on the weekends. When we're thriving in our role, we become more intentional about how visible we are within our organization and what that strategic positioning looks like. We start advocating for our next role before it even exists. I can't tell you how many times I've had coaching conversations with clients where we have talked about what I call their unique professional value. And I coach them on creating this statement. It is not a pitch. Okay, I want to be clear, it is not a pitch, but it is a statement about their genius that they show up with work at work with every single day. And it is amazing to me how they end up carving out a role for themselves or they're clearer about the role that they want. When they start showing up differently with this thriving mentality, they start leading conversations about where they're best leveraged and utilized as opposed to just completing tasks. Because the reality is at mid-career, if you are only known for execution, you have trained people to overlook you as a leader. You will only be seen as a doer, and that gets you stuck. So let me ask you where in your career right now are you being reliable instead of being influential? Let's take a look at your energy. And by energy, I mean we're taking a look at your mental, emotional, and physical capacity. When you're in survival mode, you often meet Mondays already feeling tired. You get up in the morning and you're feeling exhausted about what the day ahead is going to look like. I often think of it's this underlying humming noise that kind of happens in our brain and in our bodies, where it's this constant low-grade frustration or disengagement. You might even be saying to yourself, I just need to get to the weekend to feel better. That is survival. When you're thriving, the energy is completely different. When you're thriving, you show up from a place to set ground rules about protecting your boundaries, protecting your time, your energy, your mental health, your physical health because of those boundaries. When you're thriving, you are feeling challenged, motivated, energized instead of feeling depleted. And for so many mid-career professionals, when they're in a space of thriving, they have created space for themselves to think strategically and creatively rather than always being in a reactionary mode. We have a culture and society here in the United States that we have to be doing more and working harder and burning the candle at both ends. But my friends, exhaustion is not a badge of honor. It is a leadership liability. How can you lead impactfully and effectively when you are exhausted? I never remember exactly where I saw this particular cartoon, but it's it's this one panel, and in the back you see, like, you know, United States, and there's somebody laying in a hospital bed, and they're they're on their phone, and it says, Hey, I'm going into surgery. I'll be out of commission for the next four hours. Um, upon waking up from surgery, I'll respond to all emails and text messages. Thank you for understanding. And in the other panel, it is someone from like a European country. I'm enjoying the next six weeks on holiday with my family. Thank you for respecting my time and my boundaries. I'll respond to all messages when I'm back in the office on such and such a date. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. That's why I say on this podcast that this podcast is for people who realize that doing more is no longer the answer. It is time to break the cycle. It is time to break the cycle of running yourself into the ground and leveraging your talents and expertise differently. It doesn't mean not caring about your career, it means about putting yourself first. When we put our oxygen masks on first, we can take care of ourselves before we take care of others. So let me ask you this where are you draining your energy instead of directing it? When it comes to surviving versus thriving, I want you to take a look at how you see yourself in your future. Take a look at your identity at this very moment. When we're surviving, we often catch ourselves saying things like, I should be grateful for what I have. You avoid making a change because you have a fear or uncertainty about what might happen. And in survival mode, you cling to a version of success that essentially you've outgrown. It no longer fits you. But there's something holding you back from taking that next step, putting yourself out there, advocating for your career, showing up and leading a little bit differently. Because when you're thriving, you take this very moment where you are at right now, listening to me, and you start redefining success based on where you are. You take ownership of where you are, and you start welcoming new opportunities to create your next chapter. And the decisions you make are based 100% on clarity. They are not driven by fear. We acknowledge the fear or the reservation or the hesitation to get the clarity we need to make a very clean and clear decision. But those decisions come from clarity when we're in that thriving mindset. Right now, if you're feeling stuck, undervalued, underutilized, not recognized by your leadership or your organization, you are not stuck because of your situation. You are stuck because you haven't shifted your identity. You haven't shifted your identity to where you actually want to be because you're not clear about it. You'll say things to yourself and to other people like, I don't know what I want to do, I'm uncertain, I'm hesitant, whatever it might be. Are you right now holding on to a job or career that fits who you were instead of who you are right now? I have my clients walk through a dream job exercise about where they see themselves. It's to help get them unstuck about any kind of blocks or or reservations they have about where they want to be. Because it is about getting them to a place where they thrive. Because when we thrive, the survival's easy. When when work's going well and life's going well, things just fall into place. We don't have to fight things. Adversity happens and we address it and we roll with it. We don't create this huge drama narrative around, oh my gosh, this went wrong again. I was getting ready this morning, and lo and behold, the handle on the sink just broke. Just broke, corroded, broke off kind of thing. Okay. So what's gotta happen? I can either let it sit there and just use the hot water and pray I don't burn myself in the process. Or I go on YouTube and I try to figure out how to fix it myself, or I call someone who has the genius and expertise of doing it, and they come in and they replace it. When it happened this morning, it was just very matter-of fact, huh? The faucet broke. Okay. Water's off, it's all good. I'll get it fixed. Are you surviving or thriving right now? And then ask yourself this where do you want to stay? Do you want to stay in survival mode or do you want to go into thriving mode? There is a cost for staying in survival mode. And this is where most people avoid the reality or the truth when they say, I'm just doing what I can right now. It's okay. I hear this when people inquire about joining my program or hiring me as their coach. Like, I'm gonna think about it. And they say to them, okay, what do you need to think about? Let's see if we can get you to a decision right now, not in a pressure way, but from a way of clarity. Because time is a finite resource. When we lose time, we cannot get it back. So if you stay in a job you don't love, if you're doing work you're not entirely thrilled with doing, if you're frustrated, you're not making enough money, you're not in a leadership role, you're like, I'm just gonna hang out and wait till somebody notices me. You can't get that time back. You can't. You are missing out on opportunities for you to lead and make the impact you want. And that increased frustration, don't think you just keep it at work because you know it spills over to home. You know it spills over into your personal life. It might be impacting your marriage, your relationships. When we get stuck in survival mode, it quietly erodes our confidence. Surviving feels safe in the short term, but it's expensive in the long term. I want to be clear here. There is a decision for you to make. There is no judgment as to whether one is better for you or worse for you in a given moment. But if you decide to survive in the short term, understand why. And understand for how long. Because you're not going to get that time back. You have a choice in how you choose to show up every single day. And you don't need to blow everything up. You don't need to blow up your life or your job today or tomorrow to make this kind of change. To get into that thriving mindset, you need clarity. You need a clean and clear decision about where you want to go and the strategy to get you there. And then you need some intentional action steps to create the result you want. I have learned over my 57 years that when I get into thinking and planning mode, it can be dangerous. Because it doesn't help me take action. I've had to change the way I plan my strategy time and my think time to really move me quicker towards taking action because getting stuck there is not going to help me. When you catch yourself saying things like, I need to think about it, okay, for how long? I'm not sure if this is the right decision for me. When will you know? And usually we'll give ourselves like I need a couple weeks. No, you don't. You don't need a couple of weeks. The likelihood is in your gut right now, you're already feeling something. You're already sensing what that decision may be, but you don't have the clarity yet. But taking more time and more time than what you actually need, is that really gonna help you get there? The answer here is how you show up. Thriving is about how you show up in your conversations, your decisions, and in your leadership. It's how you show up in your career and in your life. You hear me at the end of every episode. I say, how we show up matters. How are you showing up for your career right now? How are you showing up for your life right now? How are you showing up for your family, your loved ones, your relationships right now? Are you surviving or are you thriving? Look, if if what I've talked about in this episode has hit a nerve, good. I wanted it to. You're aware of something going on, but awareness without action will keep you stuck. This is about taking an action step. And the Show Up Leadership Lab is where we take this work deeper. I recently launched a brand new group membership program called the Show Up Leadership Lab. And inside the lab, you will get clarity on what thriving actually looks like for your career. You will learn how to position yourself from a place of value and service that gives you more visibility, greater chance of promotion, and an opportunity to make more impact. And more importantly, you will build the confidence and strategy you need to stop waiting and start leading. My friends, this is not about consuming more content. It's not about spending endless of hours dialoguing with ChatGPT or Claude to figure out what you need to do. It is about changing how you show up every day at mid-career. So if you are done being in survival mode and you are ready to shift into thriving mode, I want you inside the show up leadership lab. You can check the show notes, go to my website, johnnarrell.com forward slash show up to learn more information. You can come into the lab right now for$47 a month.$47 a month, essentially the cost of a really nice, moderately priced lunch or dinner between you and a friend or a loved one.$47 a month to take time and invest in your professional development and move from surviving to thriving. You can keep managing your frustration wherever you are, or you can show up, own where you are, and start leading your next move. Hope this episode helped you. As always, you can find more information on my website at johnner.com. Check out the show up leadership lab at johnner.com forward slash show up. And until next time, my friends, remember this. You will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time. And how you show up matters. Make it a great rest of your day. Thank you for listening to the MidCareer GPS Podcast. Make sure to follow on your favorite listening platform. And if you have a moment, I'd love to hear your comments on Apple Podcasts. Visit johnnarrell.com for more information about how I can help you build your mid-career GPS, or how I can help you and your organization with your next workshop or public speaking event. Don't forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and follow me on social at Johnnarrell Coaching. I look forward to being back with you next week. Until then, take care and remember, how we show up matters.