337: When Leadership Holds You Back

Have you ever felt stuck working for a boss who will not advocate for you, invest in your development, or support your growth? 

Many mid-career professionals do strong work while feeling invisible, overlooked, and unsure how to move forward.

In this episode, I tackle a reality that many mid-career professionals face but rarely discuss openly. Weak or ineffective leadership is common, but it does not define your future. 

I walk you through practical strategies to protect your momentum, build visibility, and take ownership of your next move without damaging relationships or your professional reputation.

I begin by acknowledging the emotional toll of working under poor leadership. Feeling disengaged, underutilized, or trapped by compensation or stability can keep talented professionals stuck longer than they want to admit. From there, we take action to help you regain control of your career direction.

I share how to build visibility beyond your manager through concise results-focused updates, cross-functional projects, and opportunities that put your work in front of decision-makers. We discuss language that allows you to credit your manager while still clearly communicating your contributions and impact.

I’ll show you how to ask for stretch opportunities in ways leaders can say yes to by aligning requests with business priorities, clearly defining scope, and setting timelines that create accountability.

Another key focus is building your own personal board of directors through mentors, sponsors, and internal allies who can advocate for you and open doors. I also explain how to recognize stalling tactics and vague responses so you can gather the information you need to make an honest stay or leave decision.

I share a real-world story of navigating organizational change and how asking direct questions, receiving honest feedback with gratitude, and using that information can help you move forward with purpose.

The bottom line is simple. Doing good work is expected. Visibility and advocacy are what lead to promotions and career advancement. When you stop waiting to be discovered and start choosing yourself, even a difficult boss can become the catalyst that pushes you toward a better future.

Want to go deeper? Join my free Mid-Career GPS Newsletter for weekly insights and strategies to help you build clarity, confidence, and momentum in your career.

Transcript

Welcome & Why Bad Bosses Happen

John Neral 0:02

Hello, my friends, and welcome to the MidCareer GPS Podcast. I'm your host, John Narrell, and here we focus on how you show up in mid-career. When your experience matters and your next move matters even more. This is where we talk about navigating change and taking control of what comes next in your career, all because of how you show up. Let's get started. So, my friends, today's topic, I wish it didn't happen. I wish none of you would ever have to go through this, but it seems like this is a common rite of passage. And you probably have had one, maybe you've had more than one, you may still have another one. But the sad reality is we all end up having to deal with a horrible boss. You know what I mean. It's your boss who is saying, hey, you're doing great work, but somehow they don't seem to notice or even care. You have a boss who doesn't support you, doesn't advocate for you, and maybe sabotaging your career behind your back. And you sit there and you wonder if they really are the problem. Or you second guess yourself and think if there's something else you should or could be doing. And then you wake up one day and you say to yourself, nope, I have a horrible boss. So I want to offer you right at the onset of this episode that sadly this is normal. Sadly, this is normal. But it is not a career defeat. It is not a dead end. There are certainly things you can do to manage, address, and ultimately survive having a bad boss. So today I'm going to talk with you about what to do when your boss or leadership team isn't helping your career move forward. But let's just take a moment to address the emotional toll that happens when we deal with a bad leader. You might feel invisible, unmotivated, dread going to work. You might feel resentful, doubtful about your skills and abilities. You may be experiencing some burnout. You might be quiet quitting, as we said last year and the year before, but ultimately you're quietly disengaging. You fear speaking up in meetings because of a potential retribution or being shamed or embarrassed during a meeting. And you may even feel trapped. And interestingly enough, as I was preparing for this episode, you might feel trapped financially andor professionally, those golden handcuffs that sometimes happen to us in our career. But when you have that moment, you're sitting there and you're saying to yourself that you want to show up more, but you're not sure how to do it because of how you are seeing and witnessing that you are not feeling supportive. And it probably feels a little risky to advocate for yourself for fear of retribution, being removed from opportunities, or getting some kind of professional punishment or jeopardy. Look, there were a lot of different ways I could have titled this episode, but you kind of have to keep them G-rated in order to clear the algorithm and all that kind of stuff. And as I said at the top of the episode, sadly, this is a commonality amongst mid-career professionals. And as you're navigating or building your mid-career GPS to what's next, sometimes it really is about navigating those organizational or internal politics and dealing with leadership that may not be truly on your side. If you are that mid-career professional that feels loyal, that's a wonderful thing. That is almost at times a rarity in today's marketplace. And I'm talking about loyal in the sense of being fully committed to your job, your organization. You're not going into work every day and thinking, I'm just going to go ahead and leave because I hate this place. You are invested. I often say to my clients, it's when we get to a stage where we feel as if we are growing roots inside the organization. It's that place you might even see yourself retiring from. But loyalty without a promise of growth will undoubtedly lead to frustration. So the question now is: what do you actually do if you have a horrible boss? You may be sitting there and waiting for them to improve. The optimist in you might think they're going to get better, they're going to get supported, they're going to get a coach, they're going to get all these wonderful things, and they're going to change. And waiting for them to improve is risky because it may not happen. What we're talking about here is that they may be an ineffective or bad leader. And I have seen this time, I have fallen into this trap myself in my career where I feel like I'm just going to go ahead and support them and I'll manage up in a way that's going to help them be better. You are not there to fix them. They are grown adults. They have gotten themselves to that place where they have gotten themselves in their career. They need to be figuring it out. You don't need to be taking on their baggage. You do not need to be helping them with their performance plan. Okay. Or them being a better boss and making them look better when they're doing a horrible job. This is where the resentment comes in. Your boss may be a great person, but may be ineffective in their role because they are overwhelmed or they're poorly trained. If you are a high performer, a high achiever, and you come into your organization, they may feel threatened by you. I've personally had this happen. And that is a harsh realization to sit there and go, I thought we were all on the same team. You're in a role, you're supposed to be helping me. Why are you feeling threatened by me? The reality is they are feeling threatened by you because you may be actually be able to do their job better than they are, and they don't want to lose their job. Because just like you, they have bills to pay, they have responsibilities to have. But sometimes, sometimes, people should never be in a leadership role. They're simply not capable. So when you're thinking about where you want to go, be it inside of your organization or inside your particular field, okay, your career progress must never rely solely on your manager's competence. You do not need their permission to build your visibility inside of your organization. Let me say that again. You do not need your boss or supervisor's permission to build your visibility inside of your organization. How many times on the podcast have we talked about before where doing good work is no longer enough? Doing good work at mid-career is to be expected. But if you are only doing good work, you probably are not advancing your career. If you haven't had an opportunity to check out the free 15-minute audio briefing that I have, it is separate from this podcast. You go to my website, johnnarrell.com forward slash resources. It's right there on the resources tab at the top, or you can go to johnnarrell.com forward slash briefing and you will get a free 15-minute audio of why being good at mid-career is no longer serving you. Okay. So think about now what actually is in your control if you are dealing with a horrible boss. Here's where I want you to get creative, my friends. I want you to think about being more strategic. And being more strategic when leadership is weak. So the first strategy here is to build your visibility beyond your boss. All right. So here I want you to think about where you can talk to people inside the organization about the work that you're doing. And more importantly, the updates, the results, the effects of why it is that you're doing. Can you increase your visibility by working on a cross-functional project? How are you building relationships across different divisions or departments? If you're on work travel and you're going out with the team or you're going out with another division, I strongly want to encourage you to go to that dinner. Go to that happy hour, go to that event. People need to get to know you. It's how you increase your visibility. Now, you want to make sure you do it in a way that is supportive and collaborative and is not undermining the efforts of your boss. You want to use language that is inclusive of your boss, but also highlighting the things that you are doing. Remember, we want them to see you as this independent force outside of your boss, but as a highly effective member within that organization. This is why results are important. This is why you have to talk about your impact and your results in very concrete and tangible ways, especially to people who aren't familiar with you or know you. Because what are they going to remember at the end of the day about you that you've shared? Yes, you want to be known as being nice or funny or pleasant or professional. All those things are important. But what is the big takeaway about your work that they're going to want to remember? When it comes to advocating for yourself professionally, I want you to think of stretch opportunities. Opportunities that you could volunteer for or have some time to go do and work with another team, another project, another client, another department. Okay. And you can ask for these development conversations, and I would offer, depending on the relationship with your boss, I would offer that you do this conversation first with your boss or supervisor. Here's what it would look like. Hey, I um I'm really interested in such and such. Where are there opportunities for me to develop this particular skill or work with this client or where can I shadow somebody? Listen to what your boss is going to say at that point. And if they say to you, well, we'll see. Great, when can we follow up on this? This is really important to me. Well, we'll see. Great. So the next time we check in in a couple weeks, we can talk more about this. They might say, you know what, let me let me do some conversations about it. Let's talk about this a little bit further. I like this idea, but I'm not sure how this is exactly going to work or how we're going to bill for this time, whatever it might be. Listen very carefully to what they say. Are they saying something to you that is pacifying? Are they saying something to you that is supportive? Or are they saying something to you that essentially is buying them time to ultimately say no? Bad leadership is always survivable, but it happens when you advocate for yourself professionally. And one of the ways you can advocate for yourself is by building allies across your team and inside of the organization. I want you to find mentors or sponsors within your organization. Build a personal board of directors for your growth, those internal champions that are there to support you and network strategically inside of the organization. Can you imagine your boss going to a meeting and someone comes up to them and says, Oh, hey, I met you, you know, your name, right? I met so-and-so at an event. And boy, they were really fascinating to talk to. And your boss is gonna go, really? Wow, okay. You are responsible for your career. You have to own where you are visible. And if you choose to take a step back and think, hope, and pray that your boss is gonna always be the one to be your strongest advocate, you better have a phenomenal boss. Because I've seen time and time again that doesn't always happen. Getting promoted inside of an organization or going outside and interviewing for a role and building a network to support you and getting that advancement opportunity, those promotions happen because you are visible and you have worked intentionally at building relationships that are going to advocate for who you are and what you do. Your performance always matters. You have to be competent, you have to be strong in what it is that you do. You need people to advocate for you on a technical or expert level, without question. But if they don't know who you are, you're not gonna get promoted. In my work, I could put this podcast out and do nothing with it and hope the powers that be are just gonna find it. I have to tell people what I do. It's why I guest on other podcasts, or I do speaking events, or I post on social media and I talk about the podcast. Here's what it is. We wouldn't be at episode 335 or 336, because I've lost count right now. Right? We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not increasing my own visibility around the show and what I do to help mid-career professionals, because I can't just put it out there and expect people to find it. Good work is expected. Great work is needed. But your visibility, you have to be responsible for that. My friends, your boss is busy too. They're busy trying to juggle all the things they're doing and get to their family responsibilities and try to enjoy a decent weekend. And if we're gonna add one other thing on their plate about your growth and development, which they should be paying attention to anyway, but if we're going to add your growth and development onto their plate, it might just be too much. So make it easier for them. Make it easier for them about how you are increasing your own visibility. But what if none of this works? What if all of this is for not, and you now find yourself at a crossroad, and you're asking yourself, should I stay or should I leave? Whenever I have left an organization, I have left because there was no definitive growth path for me to go. Whether it be because leadership repeatedly blocked my development or it just wasn't there, or I went through a re-org and I didn't land particularly well, I made a decision to leave an organization because of this simple fact. I got the information I needed, not the information I wanted. I've shared the story before, but it's so relevant. I'll share it again. And especially if you're new to my world, this is your first time hearing it. So I hope this helps. But I remember working in an organization and not surviving the second re-org particularly well. And I worked for a wonderful woman who I to this day still truly admire, who I trusted and I could go and have a conversation with. And so I walked down to her office one day and I knocked on her door and I said, Hey, I need to talk to you about something. Do you have a few minutes? And she was busy at her desk doing some things. And she said, Yeah. And so I walked in and closed the door. And this is how I frame the conversation. I've been thinking about the recent reorganization, and I need to ask you a question. And I'm asking you this question because I trust you. And I promise you, however you answer this question, the first thing I'm going to say is thank you. And then I said this may I ask my question? I wanted her buy-in. I wanted her to, I wanted to know from her if this was the right time for us to have this conversation. And so as she was sitting at her desk and taking care of some things, she was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. And I said, I'm thinking about where I landed in the re-org, and I don't think I landed particularly well. And while I'm not at risk of getting fired today or let go, the reality is I feel like I'm stuck on an island to die. My work is valued, but I've also been told it needs to be limited in terms of scope. And what I say in the foreseeable future is that I am not going to get promoted. I'll be lucky if I get a raise. I'm certainly not getting a bonus. How right am I? Every time I tell this story, and especially when I tell it from the stage, there's this moment of pause. And I always find myself sitting in that chair in her office and seeing her face. Her face kind of lit up for a moment. She took her pen and she slammed it down on the desk and she goes, John, they don't get you. They don't understand all of the things that you do. And as much as I have advocated for you, you're right. I got the information I needed. Trust me when I say it was not the information I wanted, but it was confirmation I needed. And I looked at her and I said, Thank you. And then she looked at me and she paused and she said, You know, you're very smart. And I looked at her and I said, Yeah, not just a pretty face. And we laughed, because I tend to diffuse things a lot with humor. But I had her respect. I had her her support. I truly believe she did all she could. And six weeks later, I walked into her office, and with a tremendous amount of gratitude, I announced my resignation. And when I did. I told her that I was leaving because I had an opportunity to help more people outside of that organization than I could inside of it. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm here today with you on this podcast. It's why I've been doing this work for over nine years. It is why I continue to support mid-career professionals because I remember how hard and difficult it is at times and how often it feels lonely. This is normal. It is normal that you may have a bad boss. It is normal that you may be inside of an organization that doesn't truly value your talent or know what to do with it. And it's perfectly normal to sit there and re-evaluate whether or not the job you are currently in and the company where you work is the best fit. Doesn't mean you're going to leave. It just means you might renegotiate or you might re-evaluate exactly what's going on. That's the gift of having a horrible boss. Right? And the example I just gave you, the woman I directly reported to, I adored. I adored. That doesn't mean I didn't work for people or there were people in the organization that weren't as supportive of me as she was. I don't think they're horrible people. Just wasn't a great fit for us. I will always look upon that organization with a tremendous amount of gratitude. I will always look at every person I've reported to or worked with and have a tremendous amount of gratitude for them because they showed me who they were. We're not always going to get the most talented leader, the most effective boss. We're not going to get the most amazing assignment ever. It's what happens. But when we show up, when we truly own where we are to stop waiting to be discovered and take complete responsibility for our careers, we can show up from a place of value and service that allow us to welcome new opportunities, whether they be inside our current and present organization, or they are outside of it. So to wrap up, if you're dealing with a relationship with your boss that is not ideal, what do you want to do about it? Your boss may influence your experience, but they do not define your future. Your boss may be having a direct impact on your present, and they will shape your future because of what you learn from them, whether it be positive or negative, quote unquote. In leadership coaching, it's about how you want to show up as a leader based on the good, the bad, and the ugly that you've experienced in your entire life. We take a little bit from everybody and with gratitude about how we choose to show up as a leader. Now, if you want to continue this conversation, I invite you to join my free newsletter. It's called the Mid Career GPS Newsletter. You can get it on my website at johnner.com. It's in the resources tab as well. But this is only half the conversation. There's a lot more that goes on inside of my weekly newsletter, and I invite you to come over there and continue the conversation and join that for free. It's also be located in the show notes if you want to check that out too. But at mid-career, you the professionals who move forward, you will move forward because you choose to stop waiting to be chosen. You stop waiting to be recognized and you start choosing yourself to be more visible, more impactful, and more present about what you need and want in your career as you keep building your mid-career GPS. So, my friends, until next time, remember this. You will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time, and how you show up matters. Make it a great rest of your day. Thank you for listening to the MidCareer GPS Podcast. Make sure to follow on your favorite listening platform. And if you have a moment, I'd love to hear your comments on Apple Podcasts. Visit johnnarrell.com for more information about how I can help you build your mid-career GPS, or how I can help you and your organization with your next workshop or public speaking event. Don't forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and follow me on social at Johnnarrell Coaching. I look forward to being back with you next week. Until then, take care. And remember, how we show up matters, and we're going to go to the house.