321: How to Protect Your Reputation When Someone Throws You Under the Bus

Every mid-career professional has faced that gut-punch moment when a colleague shifts blame, steals credit, or takes a public swipe to protect their image. In this episode of The Mid-Career GPS Podcast, John Neral dives into why “bus-throwing” happens, how to stay composed when it does, and what to do next to protect your professional reputation without reacting emotionally.

If you’ve ever felt the sting of embarrassment, anger, or self-doubt after someone undermined you, this episode gives you a clear, practical playbook to regain control, rebuild trust, and move forward with confidence.

What You’ll Learn

• Why fear, insecurity, and low psychological safety drive blame-shifting behavior
• How mid-career professionals often become easy targets when they hold responsibility without equivalent authority
• How to pause under pressure, stay calm, and separate truth from perception
• The exact language you can use to clarify facts in a meeting or email
• A simple documentation strategy that prevents misinformation and protects your credibility
• When to address issues privately, when to set firm boundaries, and when escalation is appropriate
• How to rebuild credibility through consistent performance and visible results
• Why executive presence—composure, clarity, and confidence—is your best defense

John also shares step-by-step recovery actions you can take after a professional setback to ensure your brand stays strong, your work stays respected, and your relationships remain authentic.

Episode Highlights

• How insecurity, fear, and imposter syndrome show up in colleagues’ behavior
• The power of neutral, fact-based communication
• Setting healthy boundaries to protect your energy and career reputation
• Rebuilding trust and visibility through transparency and strong alliances
• When and how to involve HR with clarity and documentation

If you’re navigating a challenging workplace dynamic or working to rebuild your credibility, this episode will help you lead with calm authority and protect your professional reputation.

Take the Next Step:
Schedule a 45-minute Career or Leadership Strategy Session with Jo

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Blame Games Happen
• 2:05 Culture, Power, And Mid-Career Risk
• 4:50 Pause, Gather Facts, Then Respond
• 8:25 Language To Anchor The Truth
• 11:45 Documenting And Private Repair
• 14:10 Rebuilding Credibility Through Consistency
• 17:10 Boundaries, Trust, And Escalation
• 20:05 Transparency, Clarity, And Presence
• 23:00 Resilience And Defining Moments
• 26:10 Coaching Invite And Next Steps
• 28:10 Closing And Listener Actions

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

As mid-career professionals, you've worked hard to build your credibility and reputation at work. Look, you deliver results, you show up for your team, you do what's expected of you, and often you go above and beyond. So when someone at work throws you under the bus, whether it's a colleague or leader, you know, when they shift blame, take credit, or publicly criticize you to save themselves, that hurts. It's embarrassing, it's frustrating, and it can make you question who you can really trust at work. And let's face it, it pisses you off, and it should. If you have ever thought, I can't believe they did that to me, this episode is for you. Today, I will talk to you about what it means when someone throws you under the bus, why it happens more often than you think, how to respond in the moment, and what to do to protect your reputation and move forward with integrity and confidence. Because while you can't control how other people act, you can absolutely control how you respond. And that's an important part of building your mid-career GPS. So let's get started. I help mid-career professionals like you find a career they love or love the one they have using my proven four-step formula. Admittedly, I've been wanting to do this episode for a while, and it's not a pleasant topic, but it happens, and it happens to all of us. And hopefully, you're not the people who are throwing your colleagues under the bus. But let's start why people do this. Getting thrown under the bus, in my experience, almost always stems from someone's insecurity, fear, or their own imposter syndrome. Someone, the person who's throwing you under the bus, is feeling threatened, overwhelmed, or under pressure. And rather than taking ownership for what it is that they're doing, they deflect and they look for someone else to take the fall. Sometimes it is about visibility. Maybe they have an interesting relationship with leadership or they're close to their leadership because maybe they've been there a while and you're someone who hasn't been with the company for as long. And so you might be perceived as a threat. Maybe you were excelling or shining a little too brightly in a meeting, and your success and your visibility made someone else uncomfortable. Look, I never want you to dim your light. This is about understanding the context and the construct of the dynamics that exist within your team or your organization. And that's why it brings me to this other point. Throwing someone under the bus may actually be a culture problem within your organization. When organizations lack psychological safety, people will go ahead and protect themselves instead of each other. And as we've talked so many times on this podcast, mid-career is a dynamic time for you. And admittedly, it is a tricky spot in your career. At mid-career and more often at mid-level, you have enough experience to be accountable for a lot within your organization. But you may not always have the authority or power to defend yourself when things go wrong. And that dynamic can make you a convenient target. But listen to me very carefully here. When someone throws you under the bus, it says far more about them and their character than it does about your competence and the quality in which you do the job. But that doesn't make it any easier for you. So let's talk about how to respond when this happens. When I coach my clients on situations like this, the first thing I offer them is to pause before they react. And that's hard. As human beings, we are protectors. We are protectors of ourselves and those whom we care about. And so it's very easy when someone throws us under the bus to immediately go after them, to go on the attack. And when you're blindsided, it is understandable to think you have to defend yourself immediately. It might be in a meeting, it might be in an email, it may even be in the hallway after. But reacting emotionally or defensively rarely helps. This is an opportunity for you to be strategic. So rather than appearing rattled or unprofessional and gives the other person more control of their story, this is why you pause. This is why you take a breath and you take a moment to gather the facts. I want to be clear as I walk through this example with you, it isn't necessarily where it's going to take a lot of time for you to do this. In fact, in some cases, let's say in a meeting, it may actually happen very quickly. Okay. But as you're gathering the facts, here's what you're going to do. I want you to ask yourself, what exactly was said or done? Who was present? What was the impact? And then is this truth with a capital T, meaning we have documented evidence, we have credible witnesses, or is it truth with a lowercase T where we're allowing some of this to be a little subjective or interpreted? Let's say, for example, you're sitting in a meeting, you're there with your leadership and your colleagues, and someone publicly misrepresents what happened. And what they misrepresent directly impacts you. In that moment, you could very calmly, as best as you can, say something like this. I'd like you to clarify that point. Or I can share a bit more context on that decision if you'd like. Now, I have been thrown under the bus before. It is not pleasant, it is not easy. And and I remember sitting in a meeting, I was in a meeting with my boss, and my boss's boss was in the meeting. And it was a pretty tense meeting. And very calmly, and I will tell you, this is this is one of those moments in my career that I look back on and I think that was exactly how I wanted to show up. Because very calmly, I looked at my boss's boss and I said, You and I both know you're lying, so stop. Quote unquote, you and I both know you're lying, so stop. I'm not gonna sit here and have you misrepresent me that way. So there was some backpedaling and some quote unquote clarifying. And when I left that meeting, my boss and I were walking down the hallway and we rounded the corner, and she put her arm on my, she put her hand on my arm, and she goes, That was awesome. Because I was not going to accept that in that moment. Okay. When we go to respond, we do not need to accuse or embarrass the person who is throwing us under the bus. What we need to do is anchor the truth. When we anchor the truth, we then have facts, we have evidence. And after that meeting, when you have a chance to just breathe and process a little bit, document what happened. Document what happened so you have a record. Because the further we get away from the event, there are times when the story changes. So if you capture this in an email you send to yourself, or you write it down somewhere in a journal or something like that, you have something to go back to. And you go back to it with facts and statements that are, I heard, I saw, I observed, I witnessed, as opposed to I think or I feel. And then if you want, and it is if with a capital letters, my friend, if you want, schedule a private conversation with that person involved. It might sound something like this. In today's meeting, I was a bit surprised when you mentioned this. It came across like you were making it seem like I had dropped the ball and that was not my understanding. Are you open for a conversation so we can talk about what happened? You're not attacking, you are seeking understanding. Sometimes, and and I I say this with a little bit of hesitation because I am the kind of person that will always want to give people the benefit of the doubt the first time it happens. Sometimes they may not even realize the effects of their behavior. But other times, especially when they're repeat offenders, you will learn that it is intentional. But either way, this is about you showing up and protecting your professional brand to maintain your professionalism and composure. And that is what matters. So after this moment happens, okay, you've been thrown under the bus and you're dusting off the tire treads off you. This is an opportunity to think about any kind of recovery or repair after this conversation or this event. Being thrown under the bus is upsetting. It can shake your confidence, it can damage trust that you have with your team and your leadership. So you will want to do what you can to reinforce your credibility and then decide whether or not the relationship is worth investing in to rebuild it. So one of the first things you can do is go back to the work. What do you have control over? You will continue to deliver consistent high-quality results. You will deliver them with the quality that you are known for within your organization. You will continue to keep communicating with your manager and the team, and you will continue to look for opportunities where you're visible and your competence, meaning the quality you deliver that work is on display. The more evidence you can provide, the consistency in your evidence, the harder it is for somebody else's narrative to stick, especially when they're trying to throw you under the bus. One of the best compliments I ever received in my career was when someone was trying to do this and they said to them, um, that doesn't sound like John. That's when you know your brand and reputation is really good. When someone tries to discredit you and the person to whom they're speaking or the people with whom they're speaking, and they go, Yeah, that doesn't sound like John. If you believe there is a chance for repair, if there is an opportunity to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured, and you are willing to invest the time, effort, and energy to rebuild that relationship, it might look something like this. Hey, insert name. We work together. I value working with you. I want to make sure you and I are on the same page moving forward. When that situation happened the other day in that meeting, I felt like I was being blamed for something outside of my control. Would you be open to a conversation about how we can handle things better the next time if it happens? Here's where you're going to listen very carefully. Does the person say to you, yes, I'd be open for a conversation, or do they immediately get defensive? If they get defensive, they get upset, let's just acknowledge they're breathing, they're emoting, they're reacting. But if they're willing to be open to a conversation and they potentially or flat outright do own their mistake, you have a chance to reestablish trust. If not, you have learned something very important about them, their character, and your boundaries. And your boundaries are what I want to offer you are unshakable. If someone's not deserving of your trust, if someone is not deserving of that kind of professionalism and the ability to sit with them side by side at the table in collaboration, if they are not deserving of that, your boundary is such to go, yeah, it's just not going to happen. I'll respect you, I'll be nice to you at work, but no, we're not, we're not friends. We're not doing anything here because I don't trust you. Doesn't have to be anything more than that. And if you're in a situation where someone is repeatedly undermining you, attacking your credibility unfairly, you may decide to escalate this and bring the situation to HR, or depending on the size of your company, may choose to bring in a mediator to broker a conversation between the two of you. This must be done, in my opinion, with documentation and clear action steps with tangible outcomes moving forward about how people are supposed to behave. We can assume all day long that as adults, as colleagues, we should behave a certain way. We are human beings, we all bring a lot of baggage, we all have our own agenda, and admittedly, some people will never play in the sandbox the way we would play. So you have to protect yourself, right? You protect yourself going forward. And while you cannot control every single situation that happens, you're going to essentially strengthen this professional safety net you have by reinforcing those boundaries. So at work, you work on building your professional network that is anchored in allyship and not acquaintances. I've said time and time again on this podcast that trust, as defined by Dr. Dean Hinnitz, who is one of the leading sports psychologists, trust is repeated behavior over time. When you build trusted relationships with people, when they see what you do day in and day out, they're going to advocate and support and more importantly, promote your professional brand when you are not in the room because they know what you do. Make sure that you document decisions and communications. Things like, hey, after today's meeting, here's what we agreed upon. Here's the things that you own, here are the things that I own. It isn't simply about CYA covering your ass. It is about having clarity and accountability. I want to offer you in this, it is also not micromanaging. Okay. Thirdly, lead with transparency. When people know what you're working on and how you are making decisions, there's less room for manipulation or blame. Don't keep things secretive in terms of how you're maneuvering things if you are worried about being thrown under the bus. Lead with that kind of transparency. Stay centered. Stay centered and grounded because as a mid-career professional, especially for those of you who are still looking to elevate your career, you're looking for that next step. You want more responsibility, want more visibility. Management and leadership are going to be looking at how you are showing up in these situations to exemplify who you are as a leader, a professional, and as a representative of the company. The calmer you stay, the more in control you stay, the more power you retain. There is a huge difference between saying, I am disappointed or I am angry at how you behaved in that meeting versus yelling and screaming at them, saying the same thing. Your boundaries are your key. Your boundaries are what protects your energy. And if you are in a situation where maybe you didn't acknowledge your boundaries or you crossed your own boundaries or things, you're human. It's going to happen. You apologize, you you you rectify, you move forward. Okay. But when we get thrown under the bus, what we want to make sure is that never happens again. Think about it. If you've ever been disrespected by someone close to you, and more than likely you have been. I have. Okay. Think about it. It might be a parent, a sibling, a family member, an ex, or maybe even your current spouse or partner. You set a boundary to protect yourself, but also to ensure that's not going to happen again. I remember a time in my life when my parents and I were going through a really difficult point, and they got they got very personal with some attacks. Um, I write about it in my book, Show Up, Six Strategies to Lead a More Energetic and Impactful Career. And I remember saying to them, I said, Look, you can be angry, you can be upset with me. I'm not gonna sit here and have you attack me. That's not what this is going to be. If you can honor that boundary or that ground rule, we can have a conversation. I'm not saying you can't be angry, you can't be upset, but I'm not gonna let you talk to me that way. And by the way, I was in my late 20s at the time. It wasn't like I was a teenager. Okay. Even still, though, could help. In our work and professional conversations, I want you to remember here that your goal is not to out politic anybody. Anybody. Your goal here is to stay grounded in integrity, clarity, and confidence, even when others don't. But I also don't want you to be a pushover. When we get thrown under the bus, this is an opportunity for us to stand up for ourselves and show up to protect our professional brand and reputation at work and in our lives. Do not let people dim your light. Have people around you that are supportive, uplifting, encouraging. They want your light to shine brighter. They want your light to shine brighter because that's what you do as part of a good team. If you're working with somebody and they want their light to be the brightest, acknowledge that for what it is. But think about your boundaries in that moment. As I start wrapping up here with you, getting thrown under the bus is a horrible, horrible circumstance. It hurts. Especially if we get thrown under the bus by someone whom we trusted. But this then, this event where you get thrown under the bus, that then becomes a defining moment in your career. That experience teaches you who you are when you're under pressure. It's about your resilience, your professionalism, your leadership, and who you are as an individual. You cannot stop people from acting out of fear or ego. We can't control them. But what you have control over is how you choose to lead yourself with grace and strength. And that is what true executive presence, executive energy, executive leadership, that is what that true leadership looks like. So if you're navigating a situation right now where you've been thrown under the bus, you're not alone. I'm sorry you are now in the fold of millions and millions of other people who have had the same thing happen to them. You get through it, you move through it, you will recover from it, you will and can rebuild your credibility, and you will come out stronger and more respected than before. There have been plenty of times when I have coached clients who have been thrown under the bus and we've worked through the actual event and what happens after. And what happens after is individual to them because it's based on how they want to show up. As their coach, I don't tell them what to do. As their coach, I ask them the questions so they can figure out what's the best way for them to handle that situation moving forward. That's another power of coaching. So if this episode resonated with you in terms of how you're navigating your career, navigating a workplace situation, or even thinking about how you lead or want to lead, I want to invite you. I want to invite you to schedule a career or leadership strategy session with me. You can learn more about it on my website at johnnarrell.com. But a career or leadership strategy session is a 45-minute private coaching session where we will walk through what's happening, identify your next best steps, and help you get back on track with the clarity and confidence you need as you continue to build your mid-career GPS. So you can find it on my website at johnnarrell.com forward slash resources, or you can check the link in the show notes. This is a paid session. Currently, right now, at the time when this episode drops, this is a$197 session. Um, it is a paid session because I do not offer free sessions. Um, our time is valuable. I work with people who are invested in their growth, in their success. And this is a way for us to initially work together to ensure that you and I get to play full out because you are coming into this strategy session with something you very specifically want coaching on. Okay. It could be about anything related to your career or leadership journey, but that is why this is a paid session. So again, you can find more about it on my website at johnner.com forward slash resources. And lastly, if you found this episode helpful, if you find this podcast helpful, um, would you kindly do me a favor and share it with someone? Share it with a friend or a colleague who might need to hear this message today. Uh it is one of the best ways this podcast continues to grow. And I thank you for it. So stay out of the way of all those moving buses. But if one's coming at you and one's getting ready to run you over at work, hopefully after this episode, you've got a few more things in your toolkit to help you uh either avoid it or handle the situation after it happens. So until next time, my friends, remember this. You will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time, and how you show up matters. Make it a great rest of your day. Thank you for listening to the Mid-Career GPS Podcast. Make sure to follow on your favorite listening platform. And if you have a moment, I'd love to hear your comments on Apple Podcasts. Visit johnnarrell.com for more information about how I can help you build your mid-career GPS, or how I can help you and your organization with your next workshop or public speaking event. Don't forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and follow me on social at John Daryl Coaching. I look forward to being back with you next week. Until then, take care. And remember, how we show up matters.