The Mid-Career GPS Podcast
How will you figure out what is next for you and your career? Building a Mid-Career GPS to create that next promotion, finding a new job, building your network, and crushing your next interview are just some topics we cover on The Mid-Career GPS Podcast.
John Neral had a mid-career moment that changed his path and direction. Building a Mid-Career GPS helped guide him to create what was next for his career. Now, he’s here to help you do the same. Join him and his guests as they share their stories, strategies, and tips to help you create whatever is next so you can find a job you love or love the job you have.
The Mid-Career GPS Podcast
266: Unlocking Admin-Executive Strategy with Monique Helstrom
You are not “just” your title. You are far more than that.
Many mid-career professionals sometimes downplay the importance or significance of the value they provide to their teams, leaders, and organizations.
Today, you will meet Monique Helstrom. She is a recruiter of talented assistants for busy executives. She is also a coach and speaker. You’ll be curious to hear about her former job, which she held for over ten years. She was known as the Chief of Simon Sinek. And you’ll listen to that story and how executives and their assistants can partner to work better and more cohesively, ultimately driving results like never before.
Monique shares personal anecdotes from her thrilling tenure with Simon Sinek, where the fast-paced environment was a playground for learning and growth. Her insights into the executive-assistant partnership, supported by her two decades of experience in human development and organizational growth, reveal how this dynamic can drive outstanding results. Monique offers practical advice for executives and admins to flourish together, ensuring that their collaborative efforts lead to sustained success.
Connect with Monique Helstrom
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I want you to listen to this very closely. You are more than your title. Simply put, you are not just your title. Mid-career professionals sometimes downplay the importance or significance of the value they provide to their teams, leaders and organizations. I know during my career I caught myself doing it, and are you finding yourself doing that to you right now? One of my coaches used to say be careful what you say about yourself. It may come true. Today, you're going to hear my conversation with Monique Hellstrom.
John Neral:Monique is a recruiter of talented assistants for busy executives, as well as a coach and speaker. You'll be curious to hear about her former job, which she held for over 10 years. See, she was known as the chief of Simon Sinek. You'll listen to that story and also hear how executives and their assistants can partner to work better and more cohesively, ultimately driving results like never before. Let's get started. Hello, my friends, this is the Mid-Career GPS Podcast and I'm your host, John Neral. I help mid-career professionals like you find a job they love, or love the job they have, using my proven four-step formula.
John Neral:My guest today is Monique Helstrom. With over 23 years of expertise in human development and organizational growth, Monique is a recognized leader in empowering individuals and driving business transformation. Her journey, inspired by a family tradition of dedicated professionals, led her to pivotal roles as executive assistant, producer and chief of Simon Sinek, where she played a crucial part in launching bestselling books and global speaking engagements. Monique's deep understanding Recognized as one of PeopleHum's top 100 global thought leaders in 2020 and 2021, Monique specializes in enhancing the executive and assistant partnership, fostering excellence, collaboration, and impactful communications. global challenges stems from her interactions with thought leaders, executives, celebrities and diverse professionals. She's crafted powerful curricula and real-life solutions that bridge current realities to future aspirations. We get right into her work with Simon Sinek and so much more. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Monique Hellstrom. Hey there, Monique. Welcome to the show. It's great to have you here.
Monique Helstrom:How are you, john? Long time no talk, I know right.
John Neral:So, monique, I'm going to do something a little different. I normally ask all of my guests what their mid-career moment was, but I don't want to bury the lead in this conversation, because I teased it a little bit in the intro. What was it like being the chief of Simon Sinek?
Monique Helstrom:That is, you know, the easiest question to answer and the hardest question in the entire world to answer. I mean, it was almost a decade of my entire life. So summarizing that in just a few sentences, but overall it was. It was the most exciting time of my life. It was nonstop full of energy. Go, go go. I got to travel, I got to do some amazing things, I got to work with amazing people. I feel nothing but lucky about that experience that I have. But insanity definitely comes to mind.
John Neral:That's one of the adjectives to describe my time this was all pre-pandemic right yes, correct. Was all pre-pandemic right? Yes, correct. So what would you say is the biggest lesson you learned from being in that environment and being so close to Simon? What was your biggest lesson learned from those 10 years?
Monique Helstrom:I think this is personal. I'm just going to tell you about my personal takeaway. Before I met Simon, I was, admittedly, a very big perfectionist and I'm very let's call it uptight I'll use the word that other people have used the word uptight and I was very afraid of failure. I was very afraid of making a mistake. I was scared that somebody would think I was a failure. I was afraid to admit when I had screwed something up and that was quickly told to me that that would be something that would be eliminated out of me. But it took a little bit longer for it to actually happen.
John Neral:Got it.
Monique Helstrom:That's the biggest lesson I mean. He was. He was the most forgiving person when it came to mistakes or forgiveness or what have you, and in fact, most of the time it was good fall. How are you going to fix it? Wow yeah.
John Neral:Yeah, you know, he was he was never.
Monique Helstrom:Wow, yeah, yeah, you know he was. He was never he was. I don't know if he was ever mad at me for screwing up. I can't, I can't honestly remember an instance. He would more be mad at me if I didn't tell him, if I didn't tell him if I hit it.
John Neral:So yeah, what an amazing experience though so many of previous guests and clients and listeners and stuff. You know Simon's one of those names that comes up pretty frequently, especially his book Start With why and to be at the front row and alongside and shoulder to shoulder and supporting him in that way is clearly an experience that very few get to have and certainly brings you to where you are today and right in front of the mic here with us today. So this is let's talk a little bit about workaholism. Okay Right, because when you talk about being a perfectionist and afraid of failure, I can only imagine how much workaholism Okay Right, cause when you talk about being a perfectionist and afraid of failure, I can only imagine how much workaholism probably plays into that.
Monique Helstrom:Tell us a little more.
Monique Helstrom:Well, I think I was completely predispositioned to be a workaholic. Uh, you know I'm I'm an army kid and raised by an office manager, executive, assistant, secretary, mother, and you know we were doers, we were active, we were. You know, my family was kind of always moving around doing something. So I sort of saw that as my model, something. So I sort of saw that as my model and how hard work pays off. So that in my head was, hmm, hard work, you get success, you get money, you can buy things, you can go places, and so that just sort of pulled me into it.
Monique Helstrom:Put on top of that, that, every personality test I've ever taken has me in some way, shape or form being the high D, the activator, the or the achiever. I'm a number one achiever in CliftonStrengths. So I really just I've always had that ambition and drive. And at some point ambition and drive turns against you and it becomes something you're chasing rather than something that's pushing you. And that's what happened somewhere in the middle. There it started. I started to chase it and it was. I didn't use it to lift me up and build me up and I got obsessed. You know, I wanted to, I wanted to do good, I wanted to do this right, I mean look at him, you know I, how can you stand next to him and screw up or look like you screwed up?
Monique Helstrom:you know? So it was. It was intimidating and uh, I just I worked and worked, and worked, and worked and I put all of my energy into it, and then you know that finally comes to an end at some point.
John Neral:Yeah, as a child were you the A student.
Monique Helstrom:Pretty much.
John Neral:Were you an athlete.
Monique Helstrom:No Theater, kid.
John Neral:I did theater yeah.
Monique Helstrom:Theater kid. Yeah, musician, and I was never good at sports or music.
John Neral:Okay, so so with theater was it? Was it the lead role, supporting role? What was that?
Monique Helstrom:You know a couple of leads and a couple of supports. I'm a ham, I will freely admit it. I like being center of attention, so I always wanted to go for the major parts. But yes, a little bit of both.
John Neral:When did you learn you were your biggest critic?
Monique Helstrom:Oh, Six, six or seven years old, maybe. I mean really really early. You know I could. I could go into a whole episode of family trauma that drove me to here, but that's for a different episode. Yeah, but somewhere, you know, I learned, aka was taught, that you do good and you're a good girl.
John Neral:Yeah, for many mid-career professionals they have been on this path where they have been tagged the high achiever, the high potential, the high performer, and there comes a point in their careers and I saw it as well where things get difficult. All of a sudden, you don't feel like you have everything under control, you don't feel like you know everything and you're afraid of being seen or exposed as the fraud or the fake because you're just not as good as you thought you were. How does that play into workaholism, where the person who has always been the high performer, the high potential, now finds that to be difficult?
Monique Helstrom:Sure. So I think the mistake and I'm going to use the word we the mistake we make as these high performers, high potential, is A. We think it's always going to be like that and everything has to be like that. So some of us may really excel and be super motivated in this type of work and assistant work and administration and logistics and details and operations. Some people might be very, very, very huge workaholics and push all their ambition into sports, so, but then they take everything in their life and they put it in that bucket of I need to be the way that I am with work or the way that I am with soccer. I have to do that with everything, with gifts for my family, with the dinner that I'm going to make on Thursday, and it's it becomes a burden. It becomes a real burden to achieve and it's something that's very amorphous because we, the achievers, change the finish line constantly. So it's it's an inachievable thing that we do to ourselves and inachievable expectation.
John Neral:Where does shame come in all this?
Monique Helstrom:I mean, that's the wrapping paper that most of this comes in for sure, especially for high achievers.
Monique Helstrom:Yeah, we, we do tend to equate making a mistake with being a bad person, and I'll just say it like it is. You know we do, especially in my world, in the administrative world. You know, whether we're we're a whole lot of female perfectionists is what we are, and it's, it's difficult, it's a fine line and I could give a lot of advice, but I think my biggest piece of advice is pay attention, pay attention, pay attention, notice, notice, stop ignoring the symptoms and do something about it earlier rather than later. Yeah, get help, ask people you know. You know other people are out there to help.
John Neral:Well it's. It's one thing when we shame ourselves, right, you know, we have that inner critic and that dialogue comes, and I'll admit, I'm pretty good at it myself. I I I'm, you know, an expert at my own shame at times, right. It's another thing when someone else does it to us or tries to do it to us. For many mid-career professionals, um, for some, it's a badge of honor that they have worked in the toxic environment, or they have worked in the toxic environment, or they have worked for the toxic boss.
Monique Helstrom:Yes.
John Neral:When you think about the relationship that needs to happen, especially in your work and the people you help, when you think about that relationship between the executive and their assistant, it's what has to happen in order for that to be successful.
Monique Helstrom:I mean there's a lot of components to there. If I had to narrow it down to one, it would be communication, communication, communication. If I had to Because that is going to be I mean, it always will be the thing that opens up a relationship for future opportunities. You know, without communication in this particular relationship between an executive and their assistant, this will never work. And the acceptance from the executive side. You know I'm sure you've heard this statistic that 70% of the team's ambition, or 70% of the team's work, is really based on the manager, based on who's managing them. The variance in their work is 70% based on the manager. I'd say with an executive and assistant it's 90. The executive isn't willing to put the time into this relationship. It's not gonna work. It's like you need your car service but you don't wanna bring it into the shop, you just want it to sit in the garage and get better it doesn't work like that.
John Neral:So for everybody who's listening that has small children in the car, I'm gonna drop a four letter word that you do not have to turn the volume down on.
Monique Helstrom:Okay.
John Neral:I've had to say that before on the podcast. Larry, you shared something with me previously about the word just.
Monique Helstrom:Just.
John Neral:They're just an assistant.
Monique Helstrom:Oh yes.
John Neral:Why is that so dangerous?
Monique Helstrom:consistent. Oh yes. Why is that so dangerous? Because we are the ones devaluing, downplaying and ignoring the value that we bring to the table. We are the ones that second guess us. We are the ones that think we're second best. We are the ones that think we're just the people in the background, and that is a completely false statement and it's something that we live with and it's something that I coach all of my assistants with. It's really huge. You know, I'm just an assistant.
John Neral:How do you help them develop the mindset to get them where they are far more than that Right that they're not just an assistant but they are truly an integral part of that executives and organization success.
Monique Helstrom:Sure. So if I'm working with an assistant, say on the resume and or or say on on that piece of it, uh, I go deep into what they do. What do you do? How do you do it, what comes out of it, what needs? And so when they say, oh, I schedule my executives meetings, I say great, how many meetings do you schedule a week? About a hundred. What you schedule, a hundred meetings a week, that's huge. So I basically try and pull apart what it is they actually do and hold up a mirror in front of them and saying now, what if that didn't happen? What if your executive didn't get that meeting planned? What if your executive didn't have your help at the board meeting? What would happen? And they know more than anyone else the impact of them not being there.
John Neral:Hey there, do you get nervous on a job interview? I mean, look, we all get nervous, but do you get really nervous, so much to the point where you feel like you can't put words together and you just don't know how to answer a specific question? It's understandable and that happens. You care. But if you want to do better at your next job interview, I've got a free resource to help you.
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Monique Helstrom:So when we look at their their, the magnitude of what they've done, we also try and dig into their skillset. What helps them create this wonderful job that they have and all the tasks that they accomplish? So what are the skills you have? I tend to work with the CliftonStrengths quite often. I have quite a lot of my clients.
Monique Helstrom:Take the CliftonStrengths so we can know what is driving you, what are the tools you have on your tool belt that you wear every single day, that you walk around with, that you use to propel yourself forward. And then we take who you are and what you do. We sort of overlay them on top of each other and I help them understand, even if they don't necessarily. It's not about bragging about the thing, it's about justifying that the thing needs to happen and they have the skillset to do it. And they need to push the gas on the skillset to do it rather than always thinking of the task. So if you're an executive assistant who is extremely loves event planning and loves that sort of thing, and they're just an assistant, push the gas pedal on that. Do more, do more meetings, get more responsibility, try harder in that arena. So it's not. We have to take the skill set into consideration as well.
John Neral:When you talk about CliftonStrengths, we know there are four primary domains or themes we have executing, influencing, strategic thinking, relationship building. Is it fair of me to say that, given the dynamic between the assistant and the executive, any one of those four could or should be top of mind in order for that relationship to be successful?
Monique Helstrom:Yes, absolutely. It really depends on the organization, what the organization does and what these roles need to be. I tend to see more executives in the strategic thinking domain, not surprising. They tend to fall in strategic thinking and influencing, whereas my assistants tend to and I'm generalizing fall into the executive and our executing department and the relationship building. This is a very general but again, it really depends on the job and the relationship between them. But you need that visionary and you need you know I often refer to this partnership as an architect and a builder. You need the person who can dream up the home, you need the person who can see the attic when no one, when there's no attic there, and you need the guy with the hammer and the nails putting the drywall up in the attic. So you need both and it's the symbiotic relationship that gets the house built.
John Neral:For someone listening who has an admin, and they're listening to this conversation and they're thinking to themselves I'm probably not utilizing my admin as much as I could. No, I know right, or something's missing from this relationship. What would you offer them in terms of building the relationship or leveraging that admin's talent a little bit more?
Monique Helstrom:Sure Not to sound like a broken record or anything, but communicate more what I say to almost every executive that I speak with when they say to me I don't know if I'm giving her the right things, I don't know if I'm giving her the right things, I don't know if I'm delegating, well, I don't know what I can give to her, and I was like, well, did you ever ask her? Did you ever talk to her and sit down and say, what do you like to do? What are your favorite things about your job? Or what are my favorite things about what you do? What are my favorite things about what you do? So double the amount of time you currently spend with your admin. That in itself, double it. I don't care what the original was, double it.
Monique Helstrom:By simply doing that, you're going to see a benefit in every way, shape and form. Now I would then encourage deeper conversations into things such as what is your skill set? You know, have them. Take the CliftonStrengths. Or what do you like to do? What are your weaknesses? Get deep into that. Have the executive be real honest about the things that they love and the things that they don't, about what the assistant does and vice versa, about what the assistant does and vice versa. Have the conversation. I equate this relationship to an actual relationship, often to a partnership, because if you're not communicating in a partnership, it's not going to work. Same thing with this. It's very personal.
John Neral:I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about all of the dynamics I have seen throughout the various organizations where I've worked, where executives or leaders truly leaned on and appreciated their admins and those who didn't.
Monique Helstrom:Oh, yeah, yeah.
John Neral:Oh, yeah, yeah. And for the admin, who is feeling a little stuck or undervalued or underutilized and they've had conversations with their executive and, in fairness, it's not gone the way they would want. Fairness, it's not gone the way they would want In your experience. Is that kind of relationship salvageable or are they better off just getting out and transferring and going to work for somebody else?
Monique Helstrom:I always think you have to give it a shot. I always believe in doing everything that you can to make something work, especially if you've been there a while and if you like your job. If there's crunchy stuff in the relationship, you may be able to take care of the crunchy stuff. So see if it is something that you can solve. Have more open communication. If you've reached out to your executive and it's not working, do it again and try it differently. You know, think about how they would best receive feedback. Try it again and do it differently.
Monique Helstrom:Or if you see something happening in your organization they're going to start a committee to plan the Christmas party and they want volunteers, volunteer. Raise your hand, do more things, put your hand up and volunteer rather. Raise your hand, do more things, put your, put your hand up and volunteer, rather than waiting for people to give things to you. So I would say that, um, if, if you have tried to have the conversation and you are shut down completely rather than you know, accepted and it's working on it, then if they won't even talk to you, if an executive won't talk to you about the issue.
Monique Helstrom:My view, because let me tell you a secret out there, everyone, there's a lot of executives out there who are wonderful to their admins, who treat them like business partners and utilize them and thank them and love them and say I can't do anything in the world without my person. And then you have the other type. So which one's more successful? You tell me.
John Neral:Right. How much do you coach your your admins on being more cognizant and active networking within their organization?
Monique Helstrom:Oh yes, we say it a lot, we always feel like we're on an Island as the profession that we have. There's typically only a few admins in an office at a time, depending on the size, of course, of the organization, but when I worked with Simon, I was the only operations person, the only one. So we tend to feel like an island because we're the only one in that space and we forget that there's, you know, 3.2 million administrative assistants or people in the administrative profession in the United States. Reach out because, guess what, the, the assistant that you find on LinkedIn, may have the answer to what's the best hotel in Paris, france, to send your executive to. I don't know, we all know weird things. Network, network, network. It helps everyone.
John Neral:You all know where things, you all know where the best restaurants are. You all know. You all know where the best travel tips and secrets are. The best hotels, all that kind of good stuff.
Monique Helstrom:Yeah, we know things like you don't put your executive in a hotel above the seventh floor because if anything caught on fire the fire trucks can't reach above the seventh floor. So we know thing, random things like that. So we make sure that our executives are safe, even when they have no idea what we did.
John Neral:Wow, I didn't know that that's fascinating. Yeah, oh my gosh. All right, so now for anybody who is interested in becoming an admin or being a better admin, and they want to build their mid-career GPS to whatever's going to be next, what advice would you give them?
Monique Helstrom:I always talk about transitions in your life. If you're in a mid-career GPS right now, if you're now, if you're in that crunchy weird space, it's okay. Transitions are hard period. These things are difficult. They will cause you stress, it's going to be hard to write your resume, you're going to get rejected, you're going to be annoyed.
Monique Helstrom:Let's just accept the fact that these things happen and it's a part of the process, rather than thinking that, rather than having that be the barrier, go through your transition. Scream, cry, hit the wall. If something goes wrong, it's fine. But then get back to what you do best you know. Put your bootstraps back on and get back into it. Have the hard thing and then go back and then go back. Always go back. Understand that change is hard and it's supposed to be. It should be. It helps you be a better version of yourself. If you look back at your life and you think about all the hard, hard transitions you went through career-wise, life-wise you remember those. They taught you something. So, if anything else, if you're in mid-career right now, learn, learn. Just think of this as a learning experience for you to do better next time, for you to do faster next time.
John Neral:For you to learn what your desires are, so it's a good opportunity. It's really good. Thank you for that. Yeah, thank you for that, Monique. If people want to learn more about you, find you, connect with you, hire you, anything like that, I'm going to turn the microphone over to you. Tell us all the great things where people can connect.
Monique Helstrom:Wonderful. I'm not hard to find by my name, Monique Hellstrom. I don't really know of other Monique Hellstroms in the world, so that is my website. That is all my social media. Again, it's not terribly hard to find me. All of my services are on my website. But, again, if you fall into that relationship between an executive and their administrative professional, those are the people that I want Again, coaching, speaking and recruiting. And for those executives out there who don't know how to hire their executive assistant, have no idea what they're doing, have no idea how to have an assistant or delegate to an assistant, that is my life's work. If I could, really if I could pick one thing, if I could educate executives on how to have an assistant, for the rest of my life I would. That would be the thing that I would do. I love my assistants and I love you all out there. But if I could change the mentality of the executive, I could change the world.
John Neral:Yeah, well said, monique. I will make sure all of that is in the show notes for everybody to check out. But, monique Hellstrom, thank you for being such a great guest and having a wonderful conversation today on the Mid-Career GPS podcast.
Monique Helstrom:Thank you so much for having me.
John Neral:All right, my friends, if there's one takeaway for you today, it's something Monique said in the middle of the episode and it's something applicable to everybody, regardless of who you are and what you do, and that's that four-letter word. Just when are you using that? Are you saying to yourself I'm just a financial advisor, I'm just a project manager, I'm just an executive, I'm just an executive assistant. I'm just an executive, I'm just an executive assistant, whatever that might be? Really listen to your language this week in terms of where you're catching yourself saying just Stop it, pause, take a breath and reframe it and lean into why you are the amazing mid-career professional you are. So until next time, remember this you will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time, and how you show up matters. Make it a great rest of your day.
John Neral:Thank you for listening to the Mid-Career GPS Podcast. Make sure to follow on your favorite listening platform and, if you have a moment, I'd love to hear your comments on Apple Podcasts. Visit JohnNarrowcom for more information about how I can help you build your mid-career GPS or how I can help you and your organization with your next workshop or public speaking event. Don't forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and follow me on social at John Darrell Coaching. I look forward to being back with you next week. Until then, take care and remember how we show up matters. Thank you.